I sit sipping acidic black coffee in an overpriced coffee house. Gazing outside, a book lying idle on my lap. It is fun looking at life pass by through this huge plate glass. A series of snapshots in a frame. Sometimes, an entire lifetime. New age hippies with weird hair and branded footwear. Office-goers, hard pressed for time, in their discount store, over laundered formals. Fading at creases. Happy and ignorant college kids wearing the latest off Linking road. Infatuated eyes and dreams of movie-like endings. A couple clutching each others waists. Proclaiming love, demarcating territory. An occasional ragamuffin. A limbless beggar. An umbrella seller balancing four rainbow-coloured ones. And then, a person I recognise.
You walk in. We smile. I notice the subtraction of plastic in it. My smile fades. I was hoping for some pretense. That is a lot easier to deal with. You order the latte. We are fumbling over the weather, prices and distant acquaintances. Away from the mutterings, in our heads, twenty years loom. Tormenting us, daring us to touch them.
It is unlikely we open the Pandora's box. But, your lack of pretense today is making me expect the worse. Slowly we move towards the box. It is full of knots. We begin to unravel.
Tears don't come easily. I wonder why not. I am far too removed. I am with worse pains. This one was so distant until now. I understand it is so for you too. Then why this tete-a-tete. I hit upon an answer. It involves childhood, and confusing adolescence; a history.
We never shared dolls or trinkets. Or played rowdy games on bicycles together. It was about the thoughts, the dreams, the books. Of competitions in gaining favour in schools and in groups of friends. It was about the music; the little darts of taunts. It was as real as the world around us now.
The knots were always there, we did not realise that they would make our leashes smaller. We would become more impatient to get away. Time does this so often. There is no one to blame.
I have called you here today. I want to clear the air. I need you to know I have moved on. I know more than I did three years ago. I can see why you take some decisions you do. I can see the clockwork of your mind, even though I chose not to be a part of it. You should know that even if I may not agree with you with you, I can see what calculation, emotional and otherwise, led you to it. I can still support you. I am going to be there.
We will sit in more comfortable silences now, I hope.
Now, you get up to leave. I wave you out with a happy smile. I think I will order one more cup of coffee and watch the people passing by and you, as you go.
